I used to attack people, but I'm better now...

If you're in court for criminal damage by punching, kicking and head-butting a fence after eight cans of lager and a blazing row, there's not much your solicitor can do for you.

But the Lincolnshire Free Press quotes these words of mitigation to the magistrates:

Mr Michael Alexander, defending, said that (his client's) behaviour was improving as he had previously committed three similar offences through drink, which had always resulted in him attacking other people.

So there we are. Things are getting better!